


tea, bitches.

by taenzanite



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: a chat fic because we love originality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-23 01:06:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16608926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taenzanite/pseuds/taenzanite
Summary: nct is a mess.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is so incredibly original, wow, even i'm shocked by my own creativity
> 
> taeyong: tytrack  
> taeil: owltaeil   
> johnny: dontbesquare  
> yuta: prettyuta   
> kun: magickunkun  
> doyoung: doyounggg  
> ten: chittaphonleechaiyapornkul  
> jaehyun: uhjaehyun  
> sicheng: winnie  
> jungwoo: junguwu  
> lucas: spicyxuxi  
> mark: sparkleemarklee  
> renjun: moominjun  
> jeno: jenojams  
> donghyuck: stfuhyuck  
> jaemin: nanasmiles  
> chenle: dolelephin  
> jisung: !sunshinedance!

**9:03pm**

**[doyounggg made a chat]**

**[doyounggg added tytrack, sparkleemarklee, junguwu and 14 others to chat]**

**doyounggg:** why hello there

**magickunkun:** um hi??

**dolelephin:** hello!

**dolelephin:** I have no idea whats going on but hello

**nanasmiles:** heyo

**chittaphonleechaiyapornkul** : whats happening

**doyounggg:** im trying to blow taeyong’s phone up w/ notifications :)))

**stfuhyuck:** sounds like a noble cause but I have no idea who anyone here is??

**stfuhyuck:** oh wait hey chenle

**stfuhyuck:** and jaemin

**dolelephin:** hi !

**nanasmiles:** hey neRD

**doyounggg:** yeah so I just added like every person in my contacts

**chittaphonleechaiyapornkul** : you only have 17 people in your contacts that’s sad

**doyounggg:** well, unlike u, I don’t add the contacts of every person ive had a one night stand with

**magickunkun:** oh damn

**magickunkun:** he went there

**stfuhyuck:** tasty tea mmmmhhhmmm

**doyounggg:** this is just every contact I have of the building I live in anyways

**chittaphonleechaiyapornkul** : stfu okay

**stfuhyuck:** don’t steal my username ?

**stfuhyuck:** speaking of usernames how in hell do you pronounce yours

**stfuhyuck:** like chitta-whatever

**stfuhyuck** : it literally looks like you just smashed your keyboard

**chittaphonleechaiyapornkul** : its thai okay jesus

**chittaphonleechaiyapornkul** : but you uncultured children can just call me ten

**!sunshinedance!:** hi, sorry, but would yall mind keeping it down?? Sorry im tryna sleep :((

**stfuhyuck:** omg ur so cute

**stfuhyuck:** going to bed before 10pm n everything

**!sunshinedance!:** shut your ass you piece of shit

**stfuhyuck:** whOa OkAY

**stfuhyuck:** GO BACK GO BACK

**tytrack:** JISUNG

**tytrack:** WHAT IS THIS LANGUAGE YOUNG MAN

**!sunshinedance!:** oops gotta blast

**tytrack:** GET BACK HERE

**!sunshinedance!:** bye bye it was nice talking to you all

**tytrack:** I live down the hallway from you don’t think youre escaping from this

**!sunshinedance!:** bye bye it was nice knowing you all

**magickunkun:** rip lmao


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im too lazy to bold the usernames every time so

3:27am

spicyxuxi: does anyone have ramen

spicyxuxi: like the packaged stuff

dontbesquare: why in hell do you need ramen at like 3am

spicyxuxi: because I want to eat it??

spicyxuxi: what else would I do with ramen

dolelephin: I have literally no idea who ‘spicyxuxi’ is, but I have some packaged ramen :)

tytrack: chenle what are you doing up

stfuhyuck: the mother is on the patrol again

stfuhyuck: youd think beating jisungs ass was enough but apparently not

tytrack: you watch your language too !!

tytrack: my children are so chaotic sigh

spicyxuxi: okay but

spicyxuxi: my ramen??

spicyxuxi: wtf is this chat btw

spicyxuxi: and can I name it

sparkleemarklee: nO

sparkleemarklee: NO DON’T LET HIM NAME IT

[spicyxuxi has changed the chat name to ‘hEllOAOAOODajeNSFGIIIFngejngengGSUIRJHGIUGBFIEGBNGLWKASDMVZ, DFNJKGERHOIJEWFKLMDSZN GJEHRIWJODKLMSFGNJRguirghsegisFNFKGNJSHIREOJKFSLMZDNBJGKHIOREDKLSMFGJNEIRKOWDLMFGNJHRTOIERKWLMFSDFNBGJHIJOWEKFMLJNGHIURJEOWKFJNHIOGKFNWAHUEIJNEAHISUJKENGISHUJEKMFNGAEIWIJOEKNihgrfRGIHEIOGJAJijfngverahioj0pdfosklmiG895TWEGHUJNFKIUFIEHGBERGBBGEGIUHUAIWLNJNDVSAHEGHEGOEOIGNEAHFBJRGPUGOAGEURHBFJKDNVFHUGRIilovejungwooEHBGH HRUIHUIEHRHUIEGHUIAHGPPEORW;DFKLNGHIURERFIJOWNKGHUREIJOWFALNKGSHIUR903REIJWOFKLNHRTU4U0293RIJOEKWFNGHUEIJR’]

sparkleemarklee: I told u

sparkleemarklee: that wasn’t subtle at all btw

[sparkleemarklee has changed the chat name to ‘what is my life’]

spicyxuxi: bih

spicyxuxi: L

sparkleemarklee: I swear if you change it again

sparkleemarklee: I will,,

sparkleemarklee: come at you

spicyxuxi: wow you really couldn’t come up with a better threat

sparkleemarklee: shaddap >:’(

spicyxuxi: aw ur too cute

spicyxuxi: sorry bub

junguwu: :/

dolelephin: okay this has been entertaining but??

dolelephin: do you want the ramen or what

dolelephin: even though I have no idea who you are

dolelephin: and how to get the ramen to you

spicyxuxi: doyoung said that we all live in the same apartment building ??

dolelephin: um {apartment building address}, right?

spicyxuxi: yeah that’s the one

spicyxuxi: I live on the fifth floor, room 127

dolelephin: kk shall I come and give u ur ramen??

spicyxuxi: please

spicyxuxi: im starving

dolelephin: alright I shall be there soon :)

junguwu: I can come with you

junguwu: like

junguwu: if youre scared??

dolelephin: um okay

dolelephin: its only like one flight of stairs

dolelephin: and idk who you are either

dolelephin: like

dolelephin: you could be a serial murderer for all I know

dolelephin: but okay

tytrack: im coming too

dolelephin: ??

dolelephin: why does everybody suddenly want to accompany me on this ramen quest

tytrack: im not letting my lil bby bub get murdered

dolelephin: I was joking

junguwu: I’m not a murderer

tytrack: im sure that’s what they all say

junguwu: great now everyone thinks im a murderer

spicyxuxi: I don’t think youre a murderer??

spicyxuxi: youre too nice

spicyxuxi: and cute

spicyxuxi: wait

sparkleemarklee: SJNDFNSF

spicyxuxi: WAIT

spicyxuxi: THAT WAS

spicyxuxi: A MISTAKE

sparkleemarklee: probably only because the delete button is right next to the send button

spicyxuxi: frickin keyboards

spicyxuxi: just give me my ramen

dolelephin: im rlly confused ??

spicyxuxi: please just ramen

junguwu: aw thanks lucas

spicyxuxi: ramen,,

 

[private chat with tytrack and junguwu]

junguwu: fuCk

tytrack: why does nobody listen to me and swearing :(

junguwu: osfnnjdfiosfi

junguwu: did i???

junguwu: did I like say the right thing

junguwu: what does that even mean

junguwu: he thinks im cute

junguwu: and nice

junguwu: likewjfioergioaeg

junguwu: “aw thanks lucas”

junguwu: WAS THAT OKYA

junguwu: should I have said thx not thanks

junguwu: ugh I should have said thx

junguwu: it sounded so lAmMe ughguhsdfg

junguwu: IM BEGGINNING TO FREAK

tytrack: I gathered as much

tytrack: calm down

tytrack: breathe child

junguwu: yes yes breathing respiratory systems greAt

tytrack: its okay, tbh, idk what he means by it either

tytrack: and maybe he means something well yknow *wiggles eyebrows*

tytrack: but maybe not idk lucas is weird and I don’t wanna get your hopes up or smth

junguwu: okay

junguwu: that makes sense

junguwu: not really but thanks

junguwu: also did you literally just type out “*wiggles eyebrows*”

tytrack: lets go give a mf his ramen

tytrack: oh also you just asked to go along with chenle because you wanted to see lucas right

junguwu: lets go give a mf his ramen


	3. Chapter 3

8:40am

[what is my life chat]

uhjaehyun: so I wake up right

uhjaehyun: and I look at my phone right

uhjaehyun: and

uhjaehyun: I have like 60 notifications

uhjaehyun: from a group chat called what is my life

tytrack: aw sorry jaehyun

uhjaehyun: the title is so accurate tho im crying

tytrack: don’t cry ;((

tytrack: pretty boys shouldn’t cry

!sunshinedance!: ew lol

tytrack: youre still grounded young sir

magickunkun: rip lmao

 

11:56am

jenojams: um hello??

jenojams: im sorry but? What is this chat haha

moominjun: idk man

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: literally my reaction to the creation of the mess that is this group chat

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: its to annoy taeyong apparently

doyounggg: yes that was the original intent I believe

doyounggg: but already I feel the purpose has shifted

moominjun: to??

doyounggg: tea bitches

tytrack: W haT HAVE I SAID ABOUT CURSING

tytrack: WE ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN

[chittaphonleechaiyapornkul has changed the name of the chat to ‘tea bitches’]

tytrack: I am crying

uhjaehyun: like a certain wonderful person I know once said, ‘pretty boys shouldn’t cry’

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: omfg ggagagagagagagag

!sunshinedance!: see he agrees with me

doyounggg: everybody agrees with you

tytrack: ;(

jenojams: can we please just

jenojams: idek

doyounggg: oh right

doyounggg: tea

doyounggg: why tea?

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: sigh doyoung we don’t want your powerpoint presentation on why ‘tea bitches’ is the most ideal group chat name

doyounggg: well, as I casually ignore r00d onlookers, I inform you that, as the creator of this fine and distinguished group chat, tea really is our core purpose here

moominjun: “distinguished” hhhhhhmmmmmmmmm im not so sure about that

doyounggg: over the course of around 12 hours, much tea has already been spilled

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: like what

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: and I swear you say-

doyounggg: “well, unlike u, I don’t add the contacts of every person ive had a one night stand with” –me

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: bithc

doyounggg: “tasty tea mmmmhhhmmm” –donghyuck

doyounggg: “shut your ass you piece of shit” –jisung, infamously

!sunshinedance!: an honour :)

tytrack: stop encouraging this behaviour

doyounggg: “im sure that’s what they all say” –taeyong the legend himself

tytrack: sigh

doyounggg: “and cute” –lucas

spicyxuxi: who what when where why I don’t know a lucas lets never talk about that ever again alright??? Alright sounds just great just perfect wow im gonna leave now

doyounggg: “pretty boys shouldn’t cry” –taeyong again oof

tytrack: this isnt even tea oh my god im going to leave now buh byE

doyounggg: wait !!

tytrack: what now

doyounggg: im an actual genius

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: youre really not that smart calm down

doyounggg: you should change your username to “teatrack”

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: oh wait you are pretty smart that’s honestly great

tytrack: go odbyE

[tytrack has changed his username to ‘teatrack’]

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: wow he caved pretty easy

doyounggg: no its just astonishingly easy to steal his phone

teatrack: that was doyoung !!

teatrack: I would never stoop so low

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: its sort of hard to take you seriously considering your username is ‘teatrack’

[teatrack has changed his username to ‘tytrack’]

tytrack: >>:(

 

[private chat with tytrack and uhjaehyun]

tytrack: everybody is bullying me

tytrack: I want hugs

uhjaehyun: omw


	4. Chapter 4

10:32am

[tea bitches chat]

winnie: alright fuckers

winnie: im gonna need yall to shut up for a second

prettyuta: hi sicheng!

winnie: the only reason im texting on the idiocy that is this chat is because

doyounggg: im hurt

winnie: my dog just went missing and we all live in the same building so I need some help

owltaeil: I can help you look for her :)

magickunkun: jesus they don’t say anything up until this point but the moment sicheng texts,,

doyounggg: that, my friend, is what you call whipped

magickunkun: im your friend?? guess im amnesic too

doyounggg: im hurt :/

winnie: this is the sort of idiocy I was talking about

winnie: shut up and help me look for my damn dog

tytrack: I can help too! whats her name? where did you see her last?

magickunkun: … is taeyong whipped too? But jaehyun??

tytrack: im whipped for the dog

tytrack: im whipped for all dogs tbh

doyounggg: oh is that why youre dating jaehyun

tytrack: …

doyounggg: sorry I couldn’t resist ily jaehyun I mean not really cause taeyong would kill me if I did but

winnie: her name is penny, and I was taking her on a walk around the back exit like sorta by the recycling bins but there was a squirrel and penny saw it and I was walking figure too(my other dog), and I was sorta preoccupied with him, and then the leash slipped out of my hand and she ran off and around the side of the building and I quickly put figure inside the lobby and went after her but I couldn’t find her and what if something happened like theres a road what if she got hit please help guys :(((

doyounggg: okay if anyone ever gets murdered, turn to sicheng for a detailed report

winnie: that report might be necessary pretty soon if you don’t shut up and help me find my dog

magickunkun: wow okay

magickunkun: ill search the north side of the building

magickunkun: just don’t spring out and slaughter me with a leash or smth

winnie: no ofc not

winnie: I would use more effective weapons

spicyxuxi: wow this dude is scary

winnie: okey, you, spicywhatever, are going to help kun search the north side of the building

spicyxuxi: im-

winnie: doyoung and taeyong will search the west side, around the front entrance

winnie: look around the parking lot too

winnie: taeil and yuta will look on the east side

prettyuta: uh

winnie: that’s where he went missing, around the back

nanasmiles: um hi

nanasmiles: whats up yall

winnie: you, okay, youre gonna look around the south side of our apartment building with me

nanasmiles: wait??

nanasmiles: for what

nanasmiles: who are you

nanasmiles: wtf is happening

winnie: okay team, move out!!

winnie: and someone had better find my fucking dog

 

11:20am

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: GUYS

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: SO I HAVE LIKE A BILLION NOTIFICATIONS BUT IDC

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: I FOUND A DOG

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: ITS SO CUTE OMG

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul:

{image}

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: LOOKITS SO CUTEKJRGKNSGS

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: ITS LIKE

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: SMILING AT ME

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: I LVOE IT

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: DO YALL THINK I CAN LIKE ADOPT IT OR SMTH

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: IT LOOKS LOST :/

winnie: penny!!

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: ??

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: my names ten

doyounggg: oh and this is when reading the group chat can be beneficial

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: oh-

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: wait wtf

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: omg

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: am in a movie wtf

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: cause there are now a bunch of big black cars

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: holy fuck there are like swat dudes coming out of them??

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: WHY AREWTHEY COMENG AT ME

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: GUYS IM PANICKIGJ

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: I HAVENT DONE ANYTHIGN WRONG RIGHT LIEK NO DRUGS NO BAD STUFF RIGHT CUSE LIKE NFGJEGn

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: GTG I GUESS

doyounggg: …

tytrack: ….

nanasmiles: …

doyounggg: this mf

doyounggg: just???

tytrack: you didn’t just call a swat team for your dog right

winnie: eh sure

tytrack: holy fuck

 

1:44pm

stfuhyuck: wow I don’t think I have ever been so entertained reading through a group chat

!sunshinedance!: ikr wow

!sunshinedance!: yall be wildin

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: more like its sicheng that’s wildin bc hes FREAKING CRAZY

winnie: I beg to differ

winnie: im just crazy for my dogs

winnie: and they just took the dog, they didn’t even take you or do anything to you

winnie: youre just dramatic

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: this dude

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: the one who called a swat team for his dog

chittaphonleechaiyapornkul: is calling ME dramatic

stfuhyuck: tens got a point lmao

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sicheng is kinda an ass lol


	5. Chapter 5

7:39pm

!sunshinedance!: guys

!sunshinedance!: I have to go back to school tomorrow

dolelephin: me too!! yass

!sunshinedance!: im actually considering death

dolelephin: oh no, why?

!sunshinedance!: omfg wait

!sunshinedance!: I forgot

!sunshinedance!: chenle is one of those people that actually likes school

!sunshinedance!: idk why im your friend

!sunshinedance!: also did u just use ‘yass’ unironically

!sunshinedance!: oh my

!sunshinedance!: WHY AM I YOUR FRIEND x9384t893ut016

dolelephin: cause im nice? ://

nanasmiles: I do not recall 9384t893ut016 being a number that exists

nanasmiles: but for the record, I agree with jisung

dolelephin: whats so bad abt school? you leaRN STUFF

moominjuns: two words

moominjuns: social

moominjuns: interaction

!sunshinedance!: oh god kill me now pls

 

12:03am

owltaeil: wait

owltaeil: yall still go to school

owltaeil: holy hell I feel old

!sunshinedance!: its okay you’ll get over it grandpa

owltaeil: sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i started writing this fic when i was bored and idk i thought it would be a fun idea, but i had literally nothing in mind for the plot, so i have no idea where the hell to take it. therefore, i probably won't update any more, unless i'm like hit with some sort of epiphanic(*chuckles in army*) idea for the plot. if you have any ideas for the plot of this story, though, please please tell me i would actually love to continue writing for this!!   
> alsO some people left really sweet comments on a few of my other stories anD OHMYGOD I DONT THINK YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THAT MADE ME FEEL- it seriously means so much to me so thank you all sososososoosososos much!! I love you!! with my entire heart!! and soul!!


End file.
